Paralyzed

If you could jump into my head you would find that most of my thoughts are on how to redo or decorate rooms in my home, what yummy recipes I should try, what fun things I would like to go do and explore, and conversations I would have with people if I could really say what I wanted and had the opportunity and time.  I also think about life the universe and everything as well.  The thing that always bothers me is that's usually about as far as I get.  I'm really good at coming up with grand plans, gathering information for so said plans, and even throwing my ideas out there on occasion but I am SO bad at executing them.


After much contemplation as to why I lack execution I have come up with a word that really sums it all up.....FEAR.  Let's go through an example for you.


The curtains in my front room have been about the most hideous thing I've seen the whole time we've lived in our house.  They are not awful-awful, but they're just not my style.  Things got really bad about a year or so ago when one of the kids pulled on the white sheers and caused them to sag in the middle.  Everyday I would look at those drapes from my family room and just cringe.  I hesitated in changing them out because I didn't know what I wanted to do in that room (still don't) and didn't want to spend money on something only to find it not work for me later.  Fast forward to this summer.  I couldn't take it anymore.  They had to go.  My mom and I searched and bought several to try out.  None of them worked.  In the end I decided to go with some fabric I really liked at JoAnn's.  I bought the fabric, the grommets and the lining.  And the fabric sat upstairs for a few weeks.  I was just plain scared inside to take the time to make them.   I have made curtains like this and knew I was fully capable, the thing that scared me was, "What if I measure wrong, make them and hate them, and then I have invested all that TIME and MONEY into something that didn't turn out and I hate?"  Thankfully my mother was still here.  She took the boys for a walk and I finished them in an afternoon.  Had she not done that, the fabric would still be sitting in my spare room upstairs.  Unfortunately I'm not sure I like them, but they are WAY better then what was there before so we are moving up.


I have tried to tell myself that my lack of accomplishing things is from having little time and money but it's not true.  It really comes down to fearing the outcome because I don't always know what that is going to be.  I fear if it doesn't turn out right then it's a total waste.  I am really trying to train myself that life is not in the end result, but in the journey.  Deep within me I know this is true, but it's very hard convincing my conscious.


SO, I have come up with a plan that I'm hoping will "unparalyze" me and allow me to accomplish things I want and hopefully enjoy my successes and failures.  It's going to play out here on my blog, so I hope you are all excited to join in my little self experiment.


Here is the plan:  For the month of September I will be blogging 3 times a week.  This is HUGE.  I'm lucky to blog once a month.  I'm doing this so that I have "someone" to be accountable to.  Mondays I will blog about home decor projects, Wednesdays will be recipes I've tried, and Fridays will be random thoughts that are going through my head at the time.  At the end of the month I am going to re-evaluate how I did in pushing through my fears and just doing things as well as evaluate how much I liked being accountable to all of you for it.


It'll be fun...I think?


READY, SET, GO!!!!!


Happy September!