So as many of you may know, I have not been adjusting to life here in Missouri very well. I don't think it's a very pretty place - although at least green if nothing else, the summer is from hell, and our ward doesn't rank up there in the top 10. I think the latter is the one that has been the hardest to come to terms with. After all, if you can't find friends any where else, you should at least be able to find them at church, right? It's always seemed to work in the past.
I love to socialize and be with people. I have been blessed with some amazing friends over the years and I treasure their friendships greatly. The unfortunate part is that we are all scattered across the US and that makes it hard to get together for dinner or a shopping trip on a regular basis. There is only so much a friendship can do over the phone. Don't get me wrong, I love it when friends call, but you know what I mean - right?
So today I put on my brave face and went to church hoping for better results than the last 3 months. I decided I would try and be more out going and do to others what I wish they would do to me. I have to say I was pretty successful. I told the new YW president she was going to be awesome, asked one girl how a website her company had been working on turned out, asked one girl how she was doing as we dropped our children off at nursery, another how her recent cruise was, wished another a happy vacation this week, sat and talked to a girl who was visiting this week and sitting by herself in R.S., talked to a brother about a recent triathlon he was in, and asked another sister how she was feeling about a new calling she received. In addition, I called the girl I talked to as we dropped our kids of at nursery because I felt her rote "I'm doing fine." was not convincing enough. (I'm glad I called - she was fine but seemed to appreciate the phone call to make sure)
Now, I normally don't keep track of who I talk to at church, but for some reason today I remember them all. I think it was because in the back of my head the whole time I was wondering if anyone was going to ask me about my life or talk to me on their own. I can honestly say that if I had not talked to anyone, other than an obligatory "Hello, how are you?" while passing in the hall, no one - NO ONE - would have talked to me or sat by me in R.S..
By the time I got to the car after church I couldn't hold it in and the tears began to fall and the sobs of, "I hate it here" started ringing in Greg's ear. The poor guy has heard it so much lately and I feel for him. He is so good at supporting me and trying to be understanding, but I know it gets to him at times.
So maybe it's coincidence, but I have to think not, that I came across this post as I was blog surfing today. I obviously can't control what people do with their thoughts and free agency, but I can with mine and I have to think that as I try to follow this girls' fathers' advice that not only will I touch others, but I will end up helping myself as well.
Greg and I have had discussions that this just maybe our opportunity to reach out to others and extend the hand of friendship that has always been extended to us in the past, but seems to be lacking now. After reading the post above I am feeling much better and I have a feeling that I will learn some great lessons from this experience and hopefully grow to be a better person. Because really that's what our goal in life should be - to be the best us. But, just like most growing experiences, I just wish it didn't have to be so painful.
6 comments:
Megan,
I know exactly how you feel. I hate being here in Big Rapids, MI. I feel like this town is too small, there is nothing to do here, and all the other Mom's work. People have tried to help us feel welcome and love that we are here in the Branch at church but, it is not the same as having actual friends nearby. Your blog has saved me many times from feeling utterly alone and hopeless. I am also struggling with pregnancy depression pretty severely. Michael never knows if he will come home to a normal wife or a complete mess. I hope things get better for you. Feel free to e-mail me or call anytime. Good luck!
Emily King
I know how you feel. I miss being about to go across the street to see friends whenever I wanted. We are getting adjusted here too. We are lucky that there are so many others who are new here too, but so many came here for good jobs and have fancy homes. Here we are in an (affordable housing) apartment and who knows for how long. It's hard not to feel intimidated. Hang in there. Comfort zones are tough to expand but its always worth the effort.
Aw, Meg. I'm sorry it's been so hard. You're always so good at making the effort to be friends with others, so I'm sure someone will recognize that soon. I've been in my ward for 8 years now and still find myself sitting alone sometimes. It's so true that it's up to us to make those connections, but that doesn't make it any easier, especially when you're the new girl. If you want, you can blow up a picture of my face to life-size, paste it on a mannequin, and then drag me around church with you. I'll sit with you in every meeting and I'll try to use my paper lips to tell everyone what an awesome girl you are! :) Hang in there!
Loves and smiles!
a lucky someone there will be blessed with your friendship soon. don't give up.
by the way, i'm really impressed with how much you knew about people's lives - cruises, vacations, new callings, etc. that's a pretty great talent, i think.
I wish we could all get together for fondue or scum, i think it would do us all some good. I think we can all say that we have been blessed to know/interact with some pretty incredible people. Too bad everybody can't just stay in the same place.
What are your plans for thanskgiving, tiltons?? We're trying to figure out what we're going to do this year.
Good for you, Megan, for reaching out. That takes a lot of courage. If only there were more people like you. Our ward is really great but it is growing fast. (We were just split two weeks ago.) Many of the new people share feelings of not fitting in and I feel I have tried to do my part at welcoming them but I wish more of the would take the initiative like you have. If we all work together then our wards can be a "family" like they are supposed to be. I love you, Megan. Hang in there. You're efforts will be blessed.
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