So today I had one of those moments where you don't want to go back to church again because you feel like you made such an idiot of yourself. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I'll explain.
Last week we had a great lesson in Relief Society. I really felt the Spirit and it was the first good Sunday in awhile. I finally felt comfortable and that I was getting to know some people. I came home re-energized and ready for the week and was really looking forward to this Sunday.
While in the lesson last week I made a few comments. After making one of them I thought to myself, "That did not come out right" and felt kind of badly hoping people got the main point. But when you make a comment in church it's often hard to go back and correct yourself when you are onto a whole new subject in 10 minutes, so I didn't worry about it.
Then today the RS Pres. got up and after telling us she loved us all she said she just wanted to clarify a few things from last weeks lesson. She proceeded to do it in a very nice way and didn't single anyone out, but I know my comment was one she was directly referring too.
I wish I could say I held it together and everything proceeded normally. That was not the case. I totally lost it. The tears just started to flow and flow and flow. Snot was dripping down my nose and I had no tissue. I thought of getting up and leaving, but I thought that might make a bigger scene. Now that I think about it, that might have been the better option. Two sisters came and sat by me and then half way through the lesson one of the counselors got up and got me tissues. So everyone knew I was crying. I also couldn't help letting out tiny uncontrollable little sobs. How embarrassing!!! I cried through the whole lesson - 40 minutes!!!
Afterward, the RS Pres. came and talked to me. I told her I was fine and that I didn't mean to say the things I had, that it had all come out wrong. She seemed to understand and I didn't want her to feel badly. I know from experience in watching Martha, the agony RS Pres. go through in trying not to offend anyone and making everyone feel loved and accepted. I don't even know for sure that it was specifically my comment that she was addressing or just an overall feeling she had felt after the lesson was over.
I must admit though that it is in times like these that one must dig deep to not get offended. It's just frustrating feeling like you misrepresented yourself and not having a chance to change it and then someone doing it for you.
I'm sure after a good nights sleep and a little time the pain will easy, but it's just a little fresh right now. I guess I can chalk it up to one of the many great lessons we get to go through/learn while in this journey of life.
3 comments:
Hang in there! It will be alright, I know I have made comments and felt like I wanted to run and hide like that before too! I am glad to see that you are back in the blog world, I've been checking everyday to see if you had added anything!
oh megan. i feel for ya honey. :) but most people have probably already forgotten about it, so hopefully you can too - although it is hard indeed.
again, i am agreeing with emily. i'm sure the RS pres was the only one who really remembered that anything was said, because that's her job. everyone else probably forgot by the time they were at home eating dinner. but i'm sorry this happened.
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