Parenting

I use to be one of those people that would be sitting in church and see a child acting out and think, "When I have kids, they will NEVER do THAT!"  My how one's perspective changes when that little person finally comes into your life!  It's like they almost know everything you swore you'd never let them do and they push that resolve to the limit.

I would never claim to be a great parent.  In fact I know there are a ton of areas I need to work on.  Luckily I have a great husband (who in my opinion is one of the greatest parents I know) who tries to reassure me that the mere fact that I love my children is a huge step forward in the game.

So with love as my companion, here are some areas I think I could do better with my children:

1.  Their Manners:  I've noticed lately that my children do not say "please" and "thank you" often enough when they should.  Upon a little self inventory, I realized that when I ask them to do things or they have done things I've asked of them, I rarely use those words either.  It became obvious that my example to them in this area needs to be better.

2.  My Patience:  I am not the most patient person.  Parenthood can either very much pronounce this flaw in a person or cause them to gain it for sheer survival and peace and harmony in the home.  I'm still trying desperately to come up with a good balance of when to "lay down the law" and when to just let it go or take things calmly to allow for a good learning experience.  I pray for divine help in this area daily.  It is slowly getting better.

3.  Listening:  With all the modern tech conveniences it is a constant battle to not get pulled away and distracted by dings of an incoming email or text, looking up little things on the Internet, or getting sucked into social media.  I need to be better about TURNING MY PHONE OFF.  I have been trying, but it is hard.  I am also trying to really engage with my kids when they talk to me.  Look them in the eyes and ask follow up questions.  It makes a huge difference and it's worth my time and effort.

I could go on and on but for now these are the big three I'm working on.

While I try really hard not to pass judgement on other parents, there are some areas that I have noticed consistently with some other children that I would like to address here.  I know some probably think I'm a little too hard in these areas with my own children, but I feel they are important enough to be hard.  They are areas I see other parents be so frustrated with, but for some reason they aren't willing to "tow the line" if you will.

1.  Eating the Food Put in Front of You:  I'm a BIG stickler on this one.  In fact, if your child comes over to my house, I will impose the same rules I have for my children on your children.  There is no special treatment.  While I believe that everyone has foods they don't like, my running study of picky eaters being born verses made is leaning heavily to the being made side.  If you constantly let a child dictate to you what they will and will not eat, you are breeding a picky eater.  I'm a good cook and I make yummy food and a wide variety of it.  My children eat what I fix.  It may take an hour to get it down, but it gets done.  Things they once refused to eat they will now eat.  One of my great joys is seeing a child who declares that they can't eat something, then try it and learn they actually like it.  I firmly believe you are doing your children one of the biggest disservices of their life by breeding them to be a picky eater.

2.  Take the Electronics Away:  I have a child who if I let him, would play video games and watch movies ALL DAY LONG.  I hate it.  It is the reason I refuse to own any gaming device in our home and why we do not have cable television.  I will let him play on occasion at friends houses and on the computer and ipad one day a week.  While I fail more then I would like, I really try to limit the movie watching as well.  We have what we call "Movie Friday" in our house and on Fridays you can watch as many movies as you want.  It may not be the best solution, but it helps limit the movie watching during the week.  The technology is a quick and easy "babysitter" and I get why so many parents resort to it.  It's hard to fill their time with meaningful things to do when you have so much to do yourself.  It's an area I need to be better at as well, but at least turning it off is a start.

3.  Be the Parent:  There are times when you as the adult just need to make the decision.  You don't, nor should you, give your child the choice - at least not an open ended choice.  There is nothing that makes me more frustrated then to see another parent try so desperately to be "fair" with their child that MY child gets the brunt of it.  Let me share an example.  We were over at a friends one day and Christian was looking at a book that had a character he was really into at the time.  The mother said to me that if Christian wanted, he could just take that book home because her son was no longer into that book and character.  When it came time to leave she then turned to her son and said, "Christian is going to take that book home.  Is that OK with you?"  I knew exactly what was going to happen - and it did.  Her son threw a fit and did not want Christian to take the book.  We ended up having to leave the book.  I was so angry!!  First off, she never should have asked her son if it was OK for us to take the book!!  He never would have known and never would have missed it.  Secondly, once she did ask him and he threw a fit, she should have very honestly but forcefully told him that she had given the book to Christian and that he needed to learn to share.  She should have acknowledged his frustration, but not backed down which led to us having to give the book back and let her son be the "boss".  Her son learned a lesson that day, but it was not the correct one.

I have to constantly remind myself that we are all learning and in the role of parenting their is no set rule book or set way to do things.  We each try to do our best and hope it's good enough.  I often joke with Greg that we should be setting aside money now to pay for counseling later for our kids because of how badly we will mess them up.  Despite my weaknesses, I know Heavenly Father is aware of me and my shortcomings and has given me the children I need, who need me, and who still have a fighting chance at making it despite me and all my mistakes.  I have no doubt that the same holds true for everyone else who is just trying their best.