Cupcake

Today I stood in the hall at church and chatted with some YW in my ward.  Our conversation eventually came around to my ever expanding tummy.  They asked if I was going to find out what we are having.  I get this question a lot.  It's understandable.  These days most people find out at their 20 week ultrasound the sex of their coming child.  It gives them time to prepare.  They can paint the nursery a certain color, buy the appropriate clothes, have everything in order.

By nature, I'm a planner.  Surprises are not really something I typically enjoy, but when it comes to finding out the genders of my children I have never wanted to know.  In fact, with this child I declared fairly forcefully to our ultrasound tech that I was not going to like her very much if she spilled the beans.  Thankfully for everyone, she didn't.  In fact she said she didn't even look.

When people find out we are waiting many ask, "Well what do you hope for?"  That is such a hard question to answer.  I remember distinctly after each birth of my children a tinge of sadness.  Sadness for the gender I didn't have.  I expect this child to be the same.

If it's a boy I will be so excited because he will join two awesome brothers who will show him what it's like to be a boy.  He will be able to join them on afternoon adventures in the yard and sword fights in the basement.  They will teach him to wrestle and laugh.  Since my boys now look so completely different, I will be anxious to see if he ties them more together or if he is completely different as well.  I'm in the boy mode.  Boys love their mommies a lot and I love that.  I will relish in the fact that I will have another boyfriend who thinks I'm pretty and funny and just the best.  I will love chasing his cute little bum into the bathroom for bath time at night and hearing him squeal with delight at the possibility of getting caught and smothered in hugs and kisses.  I will be excited to have a future Priesthood holder in our home to raise up and teach the gospel.  I will be excited to see what life has to offer him and the joy he will bring to our home.

If it's a girl I will be so excited because Ellie will finally get a sister!  Every girl should have a sister.  Greg will get another little princess who will love him with all her heart and think he is the best thing that ever walked into her life.  I will be able to breakout the cute girl clothes I have been saving for 8 plus years and put big flowers and bows in her hair.  I will be excited to see if she looks like Ellie and has red hair.  Will she look as familiar to Greg and I as Ellie did the minute she was born or will I take a deep breath and have faith that age will add that touch of cuteness that thankfully finally graced Jack (I have no reservations telling people that I did not think Jack was the slightest bit cute when he was born - think big fat red budda!  Fortunately he's made up for it!)?  I will be excited to have a slight down turn in the energy level brought by the two boys.  If she's anything like her sister, she will be a great baby and bring an element of peace to our home.  I look forward to watching her grow in the gospel, plan her wedding, help her when she has her own children, and see the bond she will form with her older sister.  A bond I hope will be strong and lend to a deep friendship when they get older.

So what do I hope this babies gender will be?  How could I choose?  I will be happy for either and sad for whatever it ends up not being.  There will be so many things I will gain with one, but things I will lose by not having the other.  It is a bittersweet time.  Thankfully, I have no doubt, as it has been with each of my children, that as this special spirit joins our home the wisdom of why they are who they are will become apparent and the lose of the one that didn't come will quickly fade away.

Do we have names picked out?  Of course!  But I'm certainly not telling!  Besides, I believe in giving the child the right to tell us who they are and how can I ever begin to listen until they are here!  So far, I think we've nailed it.  I don't want to mess with a good thing.  So I hope you are all ready to be amazed because no matter what this little "cupcake" ends up being, they are going to be sweet and bring so much joy to our home.  That's really all any of us need to know.  Our family will be exactly what it's suppose to be, and that is more important than anything.  It's well worth the wait.