We never find out what we are having when we have our kids. I want a surprise on the end of all that work. When I had Ellie I really wanted a boy. While we didn't want to know what we were having when we had the ultrasound, I still saw that it was a girl. Greg didn't believe me. I was so disappointed, but by the time she was born if she had come out a boy I would have been devastated. I had mentally shifted to being ready for a girl.
When I was pregnant with Jack I didn't see anything on the ultrasound. My pregnancy was so much like Ellie's that I was convinced it was a girl. And I really wanted another girl. I knew how to do girls. Ellie was so yummy that I wanted another one. I already had all the clothes, they could share a room, and I had a gazillion cute girl names picked out. It would have been very convenient. But most of all, I wanted a girl so that Ellie could have a sister.
I have been reminded of the sisterly bond as I have read the Nie Nie dialogues and her sister Courtney's blog. What would they have done without each other? It never amazes me the bond they have and in many ways I am jealous. How awesome would it be to talk daily with someone who has your same genetic pool and upbringing? The connection that sisters can have is truly amazing to me. I have often wondered why it can't exist outside of the family circle. I realize that friendships between women can be very strong, but I have never found one that is stronger than a sister to sister relationship.
People often ask us how many children we want. On bad days I say we are done (you can all relate), but most of the time I answer with a fairly high number. Greg is not as sure, but I always tell him that I want a lot of kids so my kids have a lot of siblings. I already have all of their genders picked out - God willing - and the girls outnumber the boys. Don't get me wrong, I love my boy. He is the pea in my pod, but I want my Ellie to have sisters, and lots of them. Is that so wrong?
I have been thinking on this subject for some time in anticipation of this day. It comes every year. Sadness no longer consumes me as it did 17 years ago, but it was a day that has defined my life everyday since then. It's the day that marks the anniversary my sister lost her battle with childhood leukemia. In many ways I'm glad I had no idea at the time of what I was really loosing. My heart had time to heal before that was realized. In that, the Lord was merciful. However, I have often wondered how things would be different if Katie were still here. Would she be married? How many kids would she have? Where would she be living? Would we look a like? Would we chat daily on the phone, like the same things, go on vacations together? I wonder.
I have often heard it said that righteous desires that are not fulfilled here on earth will be that much more glorious in the next life. I am not ready to find out yet. I still have way too many things I want to do here. But please do excuse Katie and me when you see us having the best time together catching up. Don't be jealous. Know that we love you and value you all dearly, but this party is exclusive- sisters only.
7 comments:
Megan, I am so sorry. I had no idea. I too have often wondered what it would be like to have a sister, as I only have 3 brothers. When I was little we would take the power bill to the company office to drop it off and they had a fountain near the entrance. Every time I would drop a handful of pennies in and wish for a sister. Even though I never got my wish for a blood sister, I am blessed with wonderful sister-in-laws. I am so grateful for the gospel and that we do know that we can be together again. Although it doesn't take the pain away when we lose someone it helps lighten the load knowing we will see them again. I am so excited for you and the day you will be reunited with your sister. (But that day better not be any time soon!)
is katie your only sister? (not that that fact would lessen any pain at her not being here, just curious.) and i am sorry to learn this about you.
i wonder if brothers have the same connection? chuck is acutally closer to his sisters than brothers, but that's mostly due to age. i just don't see the same thing with most boys.
Beautifully written, Megan. I can't wait to watch on at yours and Katie's reunion. I am already smiling for you!
It really is hard to imagine how different life would be if our siblings were still around. I was just thinking about this very thing today-- my brother Anthony died (of cancer, also, as I'm sure you remember) almost 22 years ago. And with family gatherings coming up, Derek and I have recently commented on how much bigger his extended family would be had his two brothers not died.
I started thinking about all this because tomorrow I am going over to a neighbor's house (whom I barely know) just to help her with some household tasks because her 9-year-old daughter was hit and killed by a car, here in our neighborhood, two days before Thanksgiving while biking home from school. She is the 2nd of three girls in their family. It is heartbreaking to think of Erica's sisters growing up without her.
For what it's worth, I am so grateful for your friendship, and in so many ways, I feel closer to friends like you than to my own sisters, who have yet to marry and have children-- a fact that has been frustrating and disappointing since my sister and I were together all the time growing up. Since I have married, we've had a hard time relating. As we both get older and wiser, we are growing closer again, for which I am very grateful. But quite honestly, I consider you and many other women I've become close to over the years as dear as family. You helped me to learn and grow at a time in my life when we had no family around-- thanks for being my sister in Michigan. :)
It will be really neat to see you and Katie together... thanks for the reminder of how precious sisters truly are.
I never knew you lost a sister. I'm so sorry for your loss. How exciting that you get to look forward to that relationship someday though! I'm glad I found your blog, and I invited you to mine! Merry Christmas!
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i loved this post megan. I can't wait for you too reunite with Katie. What a day that will be! I have two sisters, but oddly enough, it's my brother who is the reason for me going over my minutes on my cell each month. we talk for hours(and he's not gay), but as my li'l sissies get older there is a different bond, mainly menstrual cycles and exercise, finding the right underwear to flatter dresses ect. that you know i just could never talk about with my brother.
amie
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